i had a drunk dream last night that i was riding my unicycle from bethesda hospital to broadway balancing a baby (who i was just babysitting) in my arms because i had to get to this wedding which was being held in the middle of broadway shopping centre because i was trying to convince this juvie named stavros who i’d met in hospital while i trained to be a paramedic who was obsessed with me that it was mine even though she was black and then i dropped my iphone on the road trying to avoid this girl on a segue and it smashed into a billion little pieces and kept falling apart and then i woke up.